New format, one topic per episode. How much of the episode will Phoenix spend off-topic? Only one way to find out. In this episode, Phoenix details the story of a casual walk to the bank in summer in Phoenix, Arizona. What happened was the stuff of miracles. Or not. It's not really clear.
384 - B-Movie Battle! 20 - Nic Cage Cast 10 - National Treasures (2004-2007)
We knew we would eventually have to watch both National Treasure movies but that doesn't mean we can't watch them both at the exact same time. Side by side, Phoenix watches both movies at once. Will he follow the deep storylines of both films at once?? Yes. Yes he did. It wasn't even slightly hard. Most of this episode is Phoenix passing the time while making Are You Afraid Of The Dark and Ron Howard references. It's a bit long but it's 2 movies at once so that was bound to happen. You'll learn to deal with it. Through years of unsuccessful therapy.
383 - B-Movie Battle! 19 - Nic Cage Cast 9 - The Wicker Man (2006)
Warning: This is the audio only, taken from a YouTube show Shitty Movie Showdown! To get the full experience, click here: https://youtu.be/3mALQY9B3YM
The Wicker Man is the lamest superhero story ever told. His only super power was the abilities to yell at school girls and punch women in the face. Don't get us wrong, those are both great powers but they can only get you so far in life. Prison. That's how far you can get. In this live commentary review of The Wicker Man, Phoenix marvels at the most boring actress ever, how much of the runtime is watching Cage wander an island, how every noise is apparently Rowan, how much fun it is to sing Don't Worry, Be Epi and he even attempts to figure out why Cage has visions that are never explained. THE WICKER MAN!!! Find out exactly how Ghost Rider got on fire in this prequel.
382 - LIW The Twilight Zone Review - 41 - The Howling Man (TZ 205)
The Howling Man stars a bunch of monks facing off against a stupid man. This is biblical allegory through and through. Did you know pillars make you change into the devil? It's true! Frank and Phoenix discuss this overrated episode while attempting to figure out why it's so revered.
381 - LIW The Twilight Zone Review - 40 - A Thing About Machines (TZ 204)
Phoenix and Frank discuss A Thing About Machines. Is this main character an asshole or is he driven insane by the machines? Which came first...the asshole or the machine? Anyway, this episode is stupid. Really stupid.
380 - LIW The Twilight Zone Review - 39 - Nervous Man In A Four Dollar Room (TZ 203)
The only time you can get a four dollar room nowadays is if you rented 10 minutes at the Jizz-N-Go Hotel. You now have HIV. This episode should have been stupid and boring but great camera movements and tricks made it fun to watch. Kudos, dead crew of The Twilight Zone. Kudos.
379 - LIW The Twilight Zone Review - 38 - The Man In The Bottle (TZ 202)
Are genies allowed to decide how many wishes to grant? Sure as hell seems like it. Also, why do they want to go back in the bottle so bad if they are aware of time passing. Sounds like hell. This is an actual bottle episode of The Twilight Zone. OH NO, I'M HITLER! www.LIWstudios.com
378 - LIW The Walking Dead Review - 86 - Fear The Walking Dead - 302 - The New Frontier
During this opening sentence, several characters on popular shows have died. This episode is strange. Shocking beginning. Incest in the center. Boring conversations at the end. Want to hold a folder for a few seconds? Okay I'll take it back now. Thanks for holding it. I don't get it. Everyone on this show seems so mysterious and weird. Not sure this show is worth watching anymore. Not sure...
377 - LIW The Walking Dead Review - 85 - Fear The Walking Dead - 301 - Eye Of The Beholder
The Clark family is back and ready for more zombie killing family fun! This episode was such a letdown for a season premiere. Seriously. Who loves bottle episodes? Just sad TV watching alcoholics? That can't be true because Phoenix didn't really care for this episode. He was even admittedly drunk during this review. There is an easter egg in this one. Find it and enjoy if you can.
376 - B-Movie Battle! 18 - Nic Cage Cast - 8 - USS Indianapolis Men Of Courage (2016)
Nic Cage Cast has merged with Shitty Movie Showdown! This is the last episode shot before the merger. It was edited afterward.
This is another very visual episode of Nic Cage Cast. To get the full video experience, click here:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lB12m8I_L-0
Phoenix picked this movie because of the insanely stupid looking poster it had. The one where everyone looked confused as to why they were in a movie. Some even surprised to find out they made the movie already. The poster, however, was not an indication of this Mario Van Peebles movie which turned out to be fairly decent. The only thing Phoenix knew about the USS Indianpolis historically was that it carried the nukes that took out Japan. Yep. That is all over with less than an hour into the 2 hour 10 minute long movie. The rest of the film is...something incredibly unepected. Watch out for sharks. Or just leave your feet dangling in the water. It's your preference.
Music by Bensound.com Song used: Straight
375 - B-Movie Battle! 17 - Nic Cage Cast - 7 - Industrial Symphony No. 1 The Dream Of The Brokenhearted (1990)
Nic Cage Cast has merged with Shitty Movie Showdown! This episode was recorded before the merger but edited afterward.
Warning: this is a very visual episode of Nic Cage Cast. To get the full experience, watch the YouTube video this audio is from here:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QlX4DWSNzsw&t=428s
In this TV movie from human filmmaker David Lynch, Nic Cage stars as a guy on the phone for 20 seconds before never being seen or heard from again. Perhaps someone should have paid the ghost so he would be in more of the film. The rest of the 55 minute runtime is filled with a bizarre stage production consisting of noises and strange people doing stupid things while people flash lights at them in a desperate attempt to make it look weird and meaningfull. Hot Topic: The Movie was as much fun as it sounds.
374 - B-Movie Battle! 10 - Death Machines (1976)
Welcome to the episode, here is your complimentary cheeseburger. Phoenix and Brent finally find out what is in the box. It's probably what you think it is. Or is it? Yeah, it is. Assuming you're semi-intelligent. They watch the 1976 movie 'Death Machines' about... some guys in black wife-beaters that kill some other guys while an Asian lady takes over a criminal empire ran by an Italian man? Maybe they're robots. We aren't exactly sure. Prepare yourself for nonstop gripping phone conversations, casual driving down dirt roads and eardrum piercing synthesizer music.
373 - B-Movie Battle! 9 - Summer Movie Summary! 2017
Phoenix West is forced into reviewing 60 movies coming out in April, May, June and July of 2017. The problem is that he hasn't seen any of the films. Watch as he improvises plot summaries based soley on the film titles and posters.
371 - LIW The Walking Dead Review - 84 - The Walking Dead - 716 - The First Day Of The Rest Of Your Life
It's over! It's finally over! What percentage of the plotlines were resolved in this season finale? 9%? Maybe. Here's an honest question, wouldn't the Sasha flashback scenes with Abraham mean more to you if they did it with Maggie and Glenn instead? Especially considering the entire ending was Maggie talking about Glenn's sacrifices. Just a thought. Anyway, I'll see you next season. I'll be the guy describing the boring plot into a microphone.
372 - American't 10 - LIW Home Improvement
In this informative show from the LIW Home Improvement Network, Chet Mayhew teaches the viewer how to lay tile in a kitchen. Chet is then interrupted by a phone call. Things quickly go horribly wrong.
370 - LIW Improv Theater - 51 - Explain Song Lyrics 8 (ICP's Mr. Johnson's Head)
ICP is a band made up of Kabuki painted garbage bags. This song is a confusing mess. Does nobody see you or does someone sometimes see you some of the time but nobody else does? Are you dead? Are you a ghost? Are you dying over and over in different ways? Why did you cut off your teacher's head and leave the body so close to where you are? If you left his body right outside the classroom, I doubt you would be in class to sit in front of a substitute teacher. I'm confused. ICP stands for I Can't Possibly (listen any further).
369 - LIW The Walking Dead Review - 83 - The Walking Dead - 715 - Something They Need
This episode did the cross-cutting style of writing-editing correctly. The rest of the season did not. The problem is that this episode should have happened 7 episodes ago. It is simply too late for any of this to feel like the second to last episode of the season. Negan is in it... so there's that. He has 1 scene with 3 minutes of screen time. I guess that will have to do... I'll take what I can get at this point.
367 - LIW The Walking Dead Review - 82 - The Walking Dead - 714 - The Other Side
Sasha and Rosita get their own comedy spin-off episode! Or something like that. You know how Negan is the main villain that the entire plot is currently revolving around? Right? Right. Let's show that character for 8 1/2 silent seconds. Literally not one word of audible dialogue. That's a great way to build up hatred for your important villain. He's so evil!....probably. Who here would watch an all-Negan spin-off if they made it? I know I would. (AMC...send me a check now.)
368 - LIW Westworld Review - 10 - Trace Decay (108)
Character 1 does action to Character 2 for reasons. Character 1 then lies to Character 3 about actions. Character 2 reveals truth to Character 3. Character 3 confronts Character 1 about lie. Character 1 admits to lie but lies about reason why they originally lied. Character 3 no longer trusts Character 1. Character 2 has been eavesdropping and is happy with the results, smirks at camera. Credits.
Oh, they're all naked robots. It'll work. Trust me.
366 - B-Movie Battle! 16 - Nic Cage Cast - 6 - Zandalee (1991)
Nic Cage Cast is different now. Gone are the long reviews about the movie. Now the show has more variety to keep in line with the Shitty Movie Showdown! reviews. After all, Phoenix IS kidnapped and held in an undisclosed location so he might as well watch some Cage movies, right?
What Nic Cage movie will it be this time? Only the Gods know. And by gods, we mean ping pong balls thrown into a bucket. It truly was a random selection this time around. This is one angry review.