It's been many months since Phoenix has recorded an episode of this show but he's back and ready to finish season 1 of HBO's Westworld. We find out some shit about Bernard in this one. Some but not all. Also, guess what's happening with Maeve? If you guessed waking up over and over to chit-chat with Felix and friend, you're right! Because that's all she does for a long time.
364 - LIW The Walking Dead Review - 81 - The Walking Dead - 713 - Bury Me Here
This episode is strange. Impressions galore. Bad ones of course. The Walking Dead is in a bad state when Morgan and The Kingdom breathe life into the show. No CGI deer in this episode but there is a CGI animal still. No, not the lion, but the terrible actress that talks to Ezekiel about plants. She isn't real.
363 - B-Movie Battle! 8 - Dark Angel (1990) vs. I Come In Peace (1990)
Things are different this time. Brent watched the 1990 film 'Dark Angel' starring Dolph Lundgren in which an alien comes to America to forcibly deal narcotics. Dolph also attempts to find love with the city's coroner. One problem...she's his ex...
Phoenix also watched a movie called "I Come In Peace" from 1990 in which Dolph Lundgren partners up with the guy from Dream On to stop an alien from out space that is bent on giving citizens overdoses of heroin. Dolph also must find a way to break off every plan he makes with his on-again-off-again girlfriend, the coroner of Houston.
Which movie is shittier? Will the winner be worse than reigning champion The Star Wars Holiday Special? Does it even matter? Who is actually making these guys watch these movies? Also, what's in the fucking box?
361 - LIW The Walking Dead Review - 79 - The Walking Dead - 711 - Hostiles And Calamities
Finally! We got an all Eugene episode! He's everyone's favorite character, right? Right? Right! Well you're watching him anyway. This episode did not need to happen. At all. The Dwight stuff was good but the rest is just unnecessary.
362 - LIW The Walking Dead Review - 80 - The Walking Dead - 712 - Say Yes
This episode isn't worth writing anything of value here. So intead I'll use this space to recommend good recent small movies. It Follows. Green Room. Creep. I Don't Feel At Home In This World Anymore. Filth. Charlie Countryman. Dom Hemingway. Krisha. The Good Neighbor. I Am Not A Serial Killer. Don't Breathe. The End of The Tour. Swiss Army Man. Horns. Cop Car. What We Do In The Shadows. The Trust.
360 - LIW Movie Review - 67 - Sharknado 4 The 4th Awakens (2016)
This was a miserable experience. The Sharknado series has... jumped the shark. I know I'm not the first person to say it, obviously, but it's true. The series is officially just another Scary/Epic Movie series in which celebrities say 3 words and walk off camera. That's it. That was the joke. Carrot Top drives an Uber? WHAT? How hilarious is that? It is exactly as funny as Dog The Bounty Hunter selling chainsaws in a small town. So, it isn't funny. Fuck Dog The Bounty Hunter. He's not even human. Most of this episode is about Dog and how terrible he is. Anyway, sharks suck and so does The Asylum. This description wasn't meant to sound this pretend edgy but it's 3 am and this movie isn't worth talking about seriously.
359 - American't 16 - Hack From The Future - 4 - I Will Watch '2 Broke Girls' For The First Time
In this video from 2019, Phoenix decides he has deprived himself of some American pop culture for too long so he finally decides to watch the highest rated episode of '2 Broke Girls'. Watch his reactions to the hilarious episode.
357 - LIW The Walking Dead Review - 77 - The Walking Dead - 709 - Rock In The Road
In this episode, Phoenix tells a story that Rick tells that his mom told him about a rock in a road and how it helps poor people. Or something like that, Phoenix improvises a story that is way better than Rick's. Anyway, this episode is decent but involves more video game sequences so beware.
358 - LIW The Walking Dead Review - 78 - The Walking Dead - 710 - New Best Friends
Fuck this fucking episode. This is by far the angriest episode of LIW The Walking Dead Review. Phoenix is DONE caring about what happens on The Walking Dead. Fucking done. It's officially just a video game passed off as a TV show. Rick fights a Silent Hill zombie in a pile of trash. He then piles trash on it and kills it with a rock. The audience is that zombie, the episodes are the trash and the obviousness in the show is the rock. Figure it out. Done... just done with it.
356 - TINM! - 68 - "The Incredible Negative Man! Returns!"
The title of the show has officially changed...again... Sorry about that. This title is just so much better and fitting with Phoenix's personality. In this, he talks about the title change, upcoming LIW projects including a new scripted sci-fi podcast and books, going to 98 KUPD's Battle Of The Bands and seeing a member of Goth Brooks applying make-up in the bathroom of Copper Blues, going to a man's house for an obscene amount of Christmas lights, the differences between serial killers and murderes and finally how weird Carrie Fisher's death must be for all the nerds that masturbated to her as teenagers. Phoenix then reveals weird feelings from childhood about being attracted to Natalie Portman in Leon: The Professional and then watching the movie as an adult. It gets weird. But not illegal because it's all a bit. Seriously.
Check out that Goth Brooks song played on the show here: Let them know we sent you!
355 - LIW The Walking Dead Review - 76 - The Walking Dead - 708 - Hearts Still Beating
The mid-season-finale-of-season-seven-of-the-walking-dead is finally here! Could that title get any longer? Anyway, Negan guts a person during a casual game of pool and then is mad that his game was interrupted. This season is going EXACTLY how Phoenix predicted it would in our 'season 7 predictions' episode. Seriously, exactly. This show is so goddamn predictable.
354 - LIW The Walking Dead Review - 75 - The Walking Dead - 707 - Sing Me A Song
Carl learns a thing or two about love and life from Negan in this after school special from the makers of The Walking Dead. I understand that Negan has a lot of wives but why does he keep them in a back office that looks like a brothel? He's the only one that can touch them so why make it look like they're for sale? I don't get it. Oh, Rick and Aaron find a video game level with treasure on it.
353 - LIW The Walking Dead Review - 74 - The Walking Dead - 706 - Swear
It's been over two months but Phoenix is back to talk about The Wandering Dead. This is the throwaway Tara episode that you've all been demanding. Remember her? The 100% not pregnant lady from last season? She's back and less pregnant than ever.
352 - American't 15 - Hack From The Future - 3 - Now He's King Trump. Like King Koopa. But Orange
Trump has cancelled the 2024 election and declared himself King Trump. Like King Koopa, but orange. Someone must do something. Unfortunately for him, and all of us, that man is Phoenix West. He will lead the resistance. Unless you fix it now so he doesn't have to later... You should totally do that! "I Feel Pretty Confident In My Skills Right Now To Go Ahead And Start Learning How To Have Better Skills.”
351 - LIW Movie Review - 66 - Code Of Honor (2016)
Steven Seagal is turning into a South Park caricature of himself. In this direct to DVD movie, Steven plays a lazy sniper with minimal dialogue so that the actor himself doesn't have to do anything. Add in some fake blood and terrible acting and you've got yourself a Loitering In Wonderland movie. Also, to whoever made this movie: learn how to use green screen. It looks worse than the early American't episodes.
350 - B-Movie Battle! 7 - Star Trek vs. Star Wars
It's a battle as old as time: Star Trek vs. Star Wars. As long as time is a couple decades old. This episode has been painstakingly cut from the BMB! 6 discussion and presented as a new episode in a desperate attempt to make the length of BMB! 6 shorter while also making an entirely new episode. Yes, it’s desperate. No, it’s not funny. No, there isn’t any Star Trek or Star Wars footage but it’s short and provides insight as to how Phoenix and Brent feel about the whole Star Trek / Star Wars thing. Which will win? Does it matter? Find out!
348 - B-Movie Battle! 6 - Hick Trek The Moovie (1999)
Phoenix and Brent are forced into watching a homemade spoof movie of Star Trek. This version is about hicks and it's just... actually good. The gang wanted to hate it but found it charming. Their kidnappers use their federation magic to transport them outside for the movie review. It was raining outside. Poor decisions were made. Then a space war breaks out. You'll have to finish the episode to find out.
349 - American't 9 - Bad Award Acceptance Speeches
Tired of the predictable Oscar speeches year after year? Well, this year let LIW give you improvised award speeches for made up movies starring made up actors in made up roles. Best bestiality scene? We got the speech for it. Most awkward sex scene? You bet we have it and you bet it was starring a brother and sister acting duo. Hollywood could learn a thing or two about speeches from watching this episode of American't.
List of awards presented: Best Bestiality Scene Best Caterer Best Musicial Solo in a non-musical film Best Original Score Best Original Screenplay Best Performance In A Documentary Best Product Placement Best Rap Battle Best Sex Scene Best Voice Acting Biggest Asshole On Set Longest Onscreen Erection Most Alcoholic Actor Most Awkard Sex Scene Saddest World War 2 Soundtrack Ugliest Cry Face Worst Boom Mic Operator Worst Use Of Special Effects
P.S. - Sorry for Special Ed. Seriously.
www.LIWstudios.com
347 - B-Movie Battle! 15 - Nic Cage Cast - 5 - Pay The Ghost (2015)
What happens when you cast Nic Cage in a movie where his child is stolen by a ghost witch? The answer is: not much. He doesn't scream at strangers for his child enough. He only gets in ONE fist-fight with a ghost witch. He doesn't do...well, anything for the most part. What a letdown.
346 - American't 14 - Hack From The Future - 2 - I Got In ONE Little Fight...
We've received this message from Phoenix West from the year 2022. He warns us that Trump has outlawed all media, television, movies and internet. He also wants us to get to know him better so Phoenix tells us a super personal story. It sounds familiar but we can't quite figure out why...