Here We Remain wasn't too thick on plot so Phoenix did a bit of story-telling before the actual review starts. He touches on hating the sports/comics chasm, exactly how many TWD comics there are and how much money you'd have to spend to be a completist, Back To The Future Part II day and how dumb the USA Today paper being a day late was. Then he discusses the comic and how crazy everyone is getting.
16: The Walking Dead Comic - Chapter 8: Made To Suffer
Made To Suffer is when they decided to thin the herd. Cut the bullshit characters, even if they are infants. Fuck it. Hit the reset button. I'm very glad they did. Thin Lizzy would love the plot of this one too. Trust me. It's a reference. The Governor gets his revenge!....er...revenge for the revenge that was taken out on him....it's confusing but awesome.
15: The Walking Dead Comic - Chapter 7: The Calm Before
The Calm Before is a warning about the next chapter when the shit hits the cartoon fan. This chapter however.... just lounges around a lot for the most part. Lori has Shane's baby (because he pumped her full of semen), Dale is bitten (but it doesn't matter), and Carol fucks a child. It's fun on a zombie bun.
14: The Walking Dead - 602 - JSS
Phoenix West reviewed the episode titled JSS and couldn't be more pissed about the title. Was it an attempt to be clever? Does it stand for JeSuS? Is it code for the Wolves? Who knows? That makes Phoenix very mad. If you're going to title the episode that, at least answer the question within the episode titled after it. Dildos. Phoenix also discusses how much he's starting to hate the following characters: Morgan, Carl and Ron. They could all die and the show would be better off for it. Sounds like Phoenix hates the show but he really doesn't.
13: The Walking Dead Comic - Chapter 6: This Sorrowful Life
In this chapter Michone nails a dick to a board. That should be enough to scare you off but she does more terrible shit in revenge. This issue is insanely linear so it's hard to describe without sounding bored. Phoenix does his best though. That's why this episode is so short. Totally give it a listen though, it's funny.
12: The Walking Dead Comic - Chapter 5: The Best Defense
In this chapter, the Governor is introduced and immediately gets into the business of raping. Phoenix won't touch that subject though. Nope, he won't force his way into the topic. The topic doesn't want to be discussed. Your ears don't want to be hearing about it. Phoenix will not force his way into your ears or any other orifice for that matter. Anyway, this chapter has an awesome quarter back sneak of a twist to it.
11: The Walking Dead Comic - Chapter 4: The Heart's Desire
This chapter has the 22 page fight scene you've been waiting for...wait...no it's just between Rick and Tyrese. I didn't want to see them fight at all. Phoenix covers chapter 4 of The Walking Dead comic in a classy fashion, complete with plenty of cursing and racist questions. This chapter has the best ending to a chapter so far. Love it.
10: The Walking Dead Comic - Chapter 3: Safety Behind Bars
All hell breaks loose in this chapter. Hershel's problems get way worse. The race wars have begun. The quest for gasoline has swept over the barren Australian landscape...wait...that's Mad Max. This chapter has it all: decapitation, sex, zombies, more decapitation, a few more zombies, old man sex and two 8 year olds fall in love. It was all over the place but it was amazing.
9: The Walking Dead Comic - Chapter 2: Miles Behind Us
Phoenix can't stop talking about exactly how much sperm Shane deposited inside Lori, Rick's wife. Also how unhygienic fucking in the woods is. If there were a competition between the comic and TV show about the appropriate amount of time to spend on Hershel's farm, the comic wins. There is a lesson to be learned: don't be one of Hershel's kids.
8: The Walking Dead Comic - Chapter 1: Days Gone By
While attempting to remember past seasons of The Walking Dead TV show, Phoenix said fuck it and decided to just reread the entire comic series again. In an effort to not let it go to waste, he decided to do a review on the comic as well as the show. He compares the first chapter of the series with the TV show in a way that only he can.
7: The Walking Dead - 601 - First Time Again
It's time for a new season of The Walking Dead. Which means, Phoenix already completely forgot how last season ended. After looking it up, he fully relates to the characters, by that we mean that he hates how every decision that Rick makes is bitched about by everyone no matter how much sense it makes. Carter is a terrible character played by an awesome actor. Screams like a bitch though.
6: Fear The Walking Dead - 106 - The Good Man
In this episode, Phoenix continues his impression of the devilish black dude from episode 105. He also gets very angry at how smooth that character is supposed to be but is pickpocketed by a junkie. Stupid. This show hates you and dares you to continue watching it. All the good scenes last 1 minute and the boring ones last 12. It's like a boyfriend that hits you because it loves you. Yep...just like it. Maybe season 2 will be better? Will this season end the right way? Will there even be a season 2? Who knows.
5: Fear The Walking Dead - 105 - Cobalt
In this episode, Phoenix is starting to realize how shitty the show truly is. He starts to yell but has to calm himself or else his brain will explode. This episode was boring which if you're paying attention means 3/5 of the episodes are really slow and boring. At least there is only 1 more episode before it's over. The end is near!
4: Fear The Walking Dead - 104 - Not Fade Away
Sorry for the buzzing sound when I talk. It has been fixed so do not fret! Don't be scared away. It happens to every guy. I was just nervous and you're so hot. Anyway, in this episode Phoenix talks about the most boring FTWD episode to date. The title lied because the quality of the show faded away. This episode ruined any notion that Phoenix had about the show staying away from zombie cliches because the military...surprise...surprise... are all heartless assholes that kill everyone without remorse. Fucking stupid.
3: Fear The Walking Dead - 103 - The Dog
In episode 3, Phoenix discusses how the show makes every female character the worst. This episode also featured the best scene in all of TWD, unfortunately it was only 1 minute long...but at least they had the decency to cut to a family playing monopoly. Heroin is still alive! Does Nick need more medication? Did Nick molest the neighbor girl at the end? Should the family maybe have killed zombie Susan? Why is Travis such a pussy? All of these questions are answered by Phoenix in this episode.
2: Fear The Walking Dead - 102 - So Close, Yet So Far
Episode 2 of Fear The Walking Dead is a doozy. By that, I mean that all hell breaks loose. Phoenix breaks-down the chaos as Travis finds his son at a zombie Ferguson rally, Madison kills a minority and Tobias is still a psychopath. Oh yeah, heroin problems. Always with heroin problems. Don't be black in this world. The show is 3 for 3 for killing black characters.
1: Fear The Walking Dead - 101 - Pilot
Welcome citizens to the first episode of (Fear) The Walking Dead Review. On this show, Phoenix will be reviewing both The Walking Dead AND Fear The Walking Dead episodes after they air. This particular episode is almost twice as long as future episodes will be because Phoenix wanted to establish his history with The Walking Dead. He also nit-picked a lot of zombie tropes that won't be necessary to bring up later since he already covered them here. So, again, sorry for the length. Episodes will normally be around 30 minutes. Enjoy as Phoenix makes fun of almost everything in the episode despite enjoying the show.
Seriously... do they have high school graffiti classes?